Bachelor — Week 5

  • Tonight was a special episode for me because Peter was home to watch with me! On a Monday!
  • My DVR somehow missed the first part of the show. It started right as Carly was getting a rose, so that is where I’m picking this up.
  • Sloppy drunk Jordan showed up, very well rehearsed, and with a LOT of eye contact. I wish she would have stayed a few weeks just to make people choose sides and create some drama. Bummer.
  • Pretty much every person who has ever seen one single episode of the Bachelor knows that one of the worst things you can do is talk trash about other girls to the Bachelor. ALL Bachelors hate it (except for maybe drama queen London Calling Matt Grant). It’s never a good idea.
  • It’s bizarre that Ashley thinks that she could move to a farm. She’s obviously never been to a farm. Remember when she said she was “more Kardashian than country”? Hahaha. That was one of my favorite lines of the show ever. Her outfit on the evening of the group date was terrible. She was wearing it as a dress, but I’m pretty sure it was a shirt.
  • I’m glad the rose went to Whitney and I’m glad Ashley freaked out. It’s fun to watch Ashley get more and more steamed each episode. Next week I think we get to see her boil over. I’m bringing popcorn.
  • I adore that Britt sleeps in makeup. That is the best. I have never in my life gone to bed without washing my face. Ever. Even in high school. No matter where you end up and at what time…YOU WASH YOUR FACE BEFORE BED. That is beyond disgusting. Also, I want to hear more about her no-shower thing. I can get behind not showering, but wearing your makeup to bed is just revolting.
  • Carly. I am starting to like her a bit more, but I will never cheer for her because she’s a cruise ship singer. I can’t get over that.
  • Britt the free-hugger is a little too much to handle. The perma-smile and bouncing around is exhausting. We could never be friends.
  • WHY would Britt tell the girls she “took a nap” with Chris? Does she want them to hate her? Is she trying to make enemies? Or is she trying to scare the girls into thinking she’s already won so they will naturally back off Chris?
  • Kelsey. I wanted to like her so much, and I did until this week. The way she looks at people when she’s talking is super creepy. Like, eyes burning into your soul begging you to believe what she’s saying. It makes me trust her less and less. Her glorious opinion of herself and her amazing story is just gross. Newsflash Kelsey, everyone has a story. And how totally and completely weird is it to tell a tragic story about losing your husband and then immediately start a makeout session? Desperate! The fact that this was their first kiss was telling of how he really feels about her. He has pretty much kissed every warm body to come his way. If he hasn’t kissed you yet, he’s just not that into you. While they were kissing she was super into it and trying to be playful, cute and charming. He was holding her at arm’s length and almost pushing her away. WHY did Kelsey feel the need to say loudly and clearly her late husband’s full name on camera? She was begging viewers to google him. Well, according to google he was a 42 year old musician who had a successful music career in Europe before marrying Kelsey. Does she possibly get royalties from his music??? And yes, I said 42 years old. That means he was 35 and she was 19 when they met.
  • Carly’s earrings at the rose ceremony made her look like she belonged with Barbie and the Rockers, and not in a good way. Wait, maybe I should take that back. Is it ever a bad thing to look like you belong with Barbie and the Rockers? Neon, forever!
  • As Kelsey was babbling nonstop about her uninterrupted time with Chris to honor her late husband (again, using his name) and the emotional, honest, open conversation they had I wanted to punch her. “He knows what he needs to do”, “He has the decision made”, “This is a man who respects you all so much”, “This is the first time in a while that I’ve seen him act on the heart”…WHAT? She was trying desperately to scare the girls and make their talk seem a lot more intimate than it actually was. In reality it was her “opening up” in a not-so-open way and him stroking her leg awkwardly wanting it to be over. Her tears as she expressed all this to the girls were fake and forced. She knows she’s on camera. I’m over you, Kelsey!
  • During Kelsey’s speech everyone looked ticked except Britt. Britt was rubbing her shoulder and nodding enthusiastically at every word Kelsey said. I can’t tell if this was Britt being a genuinely nice person or if she was faking support while laughing on the inside because she knows Kelsey doesn’t stand a chance next to her. Is Britt an evil genius???
  • I love when the girls talk about what is “fair”. It’s one of my favorite parts of the Bachelor.
  • Haha! Ashley wishes she was a widow so she could get more one-on-one time with Chris to cry on his shoulder and win his affection! That girl…
  • Peter burst out laughing at Kelsey’s antics on the floor. Seriously. Embarrassing for her.
  • I love that there was no rose ceremony! Nice job keeping it fresh, abc.
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2 Responses to Bachelor — Week 5

  1. Jamie says:

    I’m sad you missed Carly’s date because it was really gross and disturbing.

  2. mccallnewland says:

    I can’t believe you missed the sex guru one-on-one with Carly! I would have loved to hear your thoughts on that.

    It’s funny that you said Peter was laughing at Kelsey’s antics. Lennon thought it was hysterical! My 3 year old.

    I’m beginning to think that Britt might be an evil genius! And seriously. Enough with the bouncing.

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