A trip to Ikea — 2 ways

I’ve said it before, but my life is veeeeery calm. I’m surrounded by peace and quiet all day every day. I choose my own schedule and do what I want, when I want. I can window shop at the mall for hours with my headphones in. I can go out to lunch any day that I want, order anything I want, and stay there as long as I want. I can go for a walk whenever I want, for as long as I want, and at whatever speed I want. I can decide when to eat, when to sleep, and when to use the bathroom.

I spent this week in Seattle with my brother’s family. My sister-in-law is on bedrest, and has twin three-year-old girls. Since she’s not able to be up and about, I went to help out with the twins.

One day, Molly and I decided to take a trip to Ikea to get the girls toddler beds.

Here is how MY typical trips to Ikea go:

  • Walk in the door and grab a cart
  • Walk through every inch of the store, admiring every item and carefully deciding what to get
  • Stop at the cafe for lunch
  • Sit at the cafe for as long as I want to enjoy my kötbullar, gräddsås, and lingonbär while it’s hot
  • Refill my diet coke, check facebook, people-watch, browse through my reader, general “chill” time
  • Possibly walk back through the displays I’ve already seen to pick up any items I’ve pondered and decided to get
  • Leisurely walk through the rest of the store, contintuing to admire every item
  • Grab a cinnamon roll on my way out the door

Here’s how it goes with a pregnant lady in a motorized scooter and two recently potty-trained three year olds:

  • Drop pregnant lady at front door
  • Park car and walk with children to door
  • Find motorized scooter for pregnant lady
  • Put children in cart against their will since their mom gets to ride in a scooter
  • Walk to the specific section necessary (in our case the children’s bedding section), stopping at nothing on the way in order to hurry
  • Race to the nearest potty (which isn’t that close when you are running full-speed with a child in your arms as they are shouting “I can’t hold it Aunt Liz!”)
  • Find two stuffed dogs along the way to entertain the two children
  • Take children out of the cart so they can walk, per their constant requests
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Decide on purchases
  • Stop at cafe for lunch
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Put lunch on table
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Get back to cold food and start eating
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Finish lunch
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Put children back in cart, bribing them with daim candy bars
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Bribe the children with more daim candy bars in an attempt to take away the stuffed dogs given to them earlier
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Make rash decisions about purchases in order to hurry out the door
  • Race to the nearest potty
  • Check out
  • Arrange itmes in car and return scooter
  • Put children in car
  • Take children out of car to race to the nearest potty
  • Drive home
  • Collapse on the couch — oh wait, that doesn’t happen. Just because you are at home, doesn’t mean the children don’t need the potty, snacks, hugs, and general attention

The end.

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12 Responses to A trip to Ikea — 2 ways

  1. Emily says:

    Yep, sounds about right. This made me laugh! Although I haven’t started potty training yet because I’m lazy.

  2. Anonymous says:

    This is really funny. Sounds like you had a crazy week in Seattle. I would love to go to Ikea with you sometime. Other people just love Ikea, but I’ve never actually been there. Oliver currently have a kitchen table and a bed and chest of drawers in our apt. Lol. It’s time to get some furniture. You seem really good at design and such. Would you be able to help me if we went to Ikea? My furniture picking/design skills rival Peter’s food-picking skills while you’re out of town 🙂

  3. mary says:

    LOL!!! You are a good sister and aunt!

  4. jennie says:

    Haha! Welcome to my life!

  5. melhoney says:

    I look forward to your blog posts. They always leave me with a smile.

  6. Kenna says:

    Wow. You’re a trooper Liz! That was a funny blog post!

  7. Lindsay says:

    You nailed it! Awesome aunt 🙂 Are you available for hire? We are in need of an aunt on the east coast 🙂 I can pay you in Skittles…or your preferred potty treat.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I Love that family, was cool. Mark

  9. joni says:

    Ha! Sounds like a crazy fun adventure.

  10. Lara says:

    This is hilarious. Totally love it. I’ve been slightly out of the blogging world lately and am catching up and am loving your posts.

  11. Anonymous says:

    hahahahaha! I’m totally laughing out loud. Maybe someday you can race to the nearest potty while holding the baby that wants to get down and crawl around on the public restroom floor while the potty-ing child completely undresses from the waist down to use the potty and then you try to help them get their pants back on over their shoes while still trying to keep said baby from rubbing his hands on the floor and potty and then putting them in their mouth. It’s only slightly more fun that what you did… You are such an awesome aunt!!!

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