Crazy squirrel man (aka, Portland color)

A few weeks ago I told you that Portland is weird (please tell me you watched I Dream of the 90s). That post was a preamble for the following story.

One day while living in Portland I was sitting on my couch, minding my own business when a run-down car pulled up across the street from my house. A weird looking man got out. In an effort to document a typical Portland weirdo, I grabbed my camera to get a picture of him.

And boy, am I glad I did.

First, the Portlander got out of his car, looked both ways, and walked to the middle of the street. He bent down, picked up a DEAD SQUIRREL with his BARE HANDS and calmly walked back to his parked car with it. He dropped the dead squirrel in the brush behind his car.

SO GROSS! I thought that was the end of it, and that he would now get back in his car and drive away.

Nope. He went back to his car, got out a backpack and fished around until he pulled out a camera. He sat down in the dirt behind his car and started PHOTOGRAPHING the dead squirrel. After about 3 minutes he stood up, put his camera back in his backpack, and put his backpack in his car.

SO GROSS! I thought that was the end of it, and that he would now get back in his car and drive away.

Nope. He fished around in his car for a minute and stood up with a huge KNIFE. He went back to the squirrel, knelt down by it, and CUT OFF IT’S TAIL. He tossed the knife and the dead squirrel’s tail back in his car.

SO GROSS! He drove away, and that was the end of it.

How weird is that? What in the world would anyone need with a dead squirrel’s tail? I really hope that guy had some hand sanitizer or wet wipes in his car.

P.S. In an effort to not call attention to myself I was snapping these photos through my drawn blinds. I was terrified that if he turned and saw me taking picture he might come cut one of my limbs off too.

P.P.S. I purposely didn’t blog about this while I was still living in Portland. After all, this weirdo knows where I lived.

P.P.P.S. If you think this story is weird, you should hear my REALLY weird Portland story. That story is too weird for the blog, and only a story I tell face to face. Next time you see me, ask me about it. It’s weird.

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10 Responses to Crazy squirrel man (aka, Portland color)

  1. joni says:

    Weird…..so weird. Maybe I can hear the really weird one face to face…..next week?
    Oh, by the way we will be in Boston soon. I would love to come and visit you!

  2. anna says:

    Am I the only one that thinks the weirdest part is that the dude’s hair matches his car?

    Did you ever hear about the time my mother picked up a dead raccoon (for the tail) on Espola Road in Poway? Ha ha. I guess we should have been glad she didn’t photograph it. Too bad she got caught by someone in the Bishopric doing it. It was a memorable experience. 🙂

  3. sommerkorn says:

    Joni, if you get a chance call me when you’re here and we can grab a bite together! No pressure, I know how busy vacations can be.

    Anna, when I told my parents this story that is the first thing my dad said! Hahahaha, so funny! And yes, I thought the matching hair/car was super funny too.

  4. mccall says:

    wow. the whole time i was reading this, i couldn’t figure out why in the world you are just NOW blogging about this awesome experience. you are smart. smarter than me.

    at least you were never bored in portland.

  5. Jennie says:

    HAHA I have been waiting so long for this story to make it’s blog debut 🙂 Miss you and hope you are doing great!!! (did you tell me the REALLY weird portland story? I live here and there just are not words to describe the weirdies that come out sometimes!! (Seth can’t stand people like this squirrel guy) We have some good stories to share too. Maybe we should start a blog “No need to keep Portland weird, Portland keeps itself weird” 🙂

  6. M$ says:

    Smiling in NJ.

  7. anna says:

    Happy Birthday! Isn’t your birthday the 20th? My mom’s is the 12th and Nikki’s is the 24th and I am pretty sure I remember yours to be the 20th. Hope you had a great day. And I hope it really is your birthday (well, technically yesterday) or I’ll feel lame. 🙂 Ha ha.

  8. Lari says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    That is so weird, but hilarious.

  9. Pingback: More Portland weirdness | the sommerkorns

  10. Pingback: 2011 Recap and Hopes for 2012 | the sommerkorns

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