Five thoughts

  1. Urban Decay Makeup Setting Spray is my new favorite thing. I’ve never really been a fan of makeup setting spray. It always seems like such a waste of money and sort of a scam. I got a sample of this stuff and I really love it. It actually makes my makeup stay put! I also like the dewy finish it gives.
  2. I’ve always liked Kelly Osbourne’s hair, but I’m starting to wonder how long it will be her thing. Like, forever?
  3. Peter hates Michelle Money. I love her. Everything she does is so ridiculous that it makes me laugh. She’s pure entertainment. I love Kim Kardashian for the same reasons. People have such hate for her and it only makes me like her more.
  4. Fall tv starts soon! Can’t wait!
  5. Sometimes I see CDs at the store for sale. Why???? Do they just have them their for marketing purposes or are there people out there who are still buying CDs?
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It took me five years to get pregnant with Henry. I always knew it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. Even when I was young I just always sort of knew that having kids would be hard for me. I scheduled an appointment with a fertility doctor the very month I stopped using birth control and had my appointment four months later (this was back in my on-the-ball days, ha ha ha).

I remember my first fertility appointment so clearly, even though it was seven years ago. I was pretty clueless about infertility since I’d only been trying for a few months. I was nervous. I remember being worried that I would run into someone I knew. I remember sitting in the waiting room with several other infertile girls and couples and awkwardly no one looked up from their magazines and infertility pamphlets (no iPhones back then!). I remember my doctor’s white coat was dirty on the insides of his sleeves. I remember getting choked up talking about my infertility, even though I didn’t even really know I was infertile yet. I remember lying to him, telling him I’d been trying for longer than I had so he would take me seriously.

The doctor gave me clomid right away, which I hadn’t expected. When I went home with my clomid prescription I felt more anxiety than I did before the appointment. I went from trying to get pregnant to TRYING to get pregnant in an afternoon. It was exactly what I wanted, but for some reason hadn’t really expected to happen so quickly.

From the beginning we knew my problem was ovulation. I don’t ovulate. I have a good uterus and good eggs, I just don’t ovulate. This is one of the most mild of fertility problems, and one of the easiest to fix. I am very, very, very grateful for that. In infertility cases like mine, the process basically goes like this:
– You take drugs starting on a specific day of your cycle.
– You go to the doctor’s office multiple times throughout your cycle and they monitor you via vaginal ultrasound and/or blood work to see how your ovaries/uterus/eggs are reacting to the drugs. They increase/decrease your drugs based on what they see on the ultrasound.
– If your body reacts and ovulates you have a chance of getting pregnant (the old fashioned way or via an IUI), if not you wait for your next cycle and try a different combination of drugs to hopefully stimulate ovulation.

When I went to fill my prescription that evening I was surprised to be told that my insurance didn’t cover clomid. I was totally unaware of the huge cost of fertility. I had never thought about medical costs in my life so I had no idea that certain things were/weren’t covered (naive, I know). I had to pay $25 per pill. I remember standing there at the Walgreens on 3300 South in Salt Lake, wondering what the heck business I had spending that much on medicine. We were young newlyweds, Peter was in school and not working, and we were trying to save every penny we could because we knew we had business school in our future (five years in the future). I was hesitant about spending the money, but at the time I felt like starting a family would be worth $125 so I paid for my five pills. Little did I know that $125 would be a teeny, tiny drop in the bucket.

That first fertility cycle was simply the lowest dose of clomid. Nothing happened. The next month they doubled my dosage (which cost me $250 in medication) and nothing happened. In the following months, the pills increased every cycle, the frequency of appointments increased every cycle (every appointment cost $250 and I had multiple appointments per month), my anxiety increased every cycle and NOTHING HAPPENED.

When I say “nothing happened” I don’t mean that I didn’t get pregnant, I mean that my body didn’t even ovulate. I was spending all this time and money and I still hadn’t even had the chance to get pregnant.

This went on for months and months. Once I got to the highest dose of clomid they tried mixing in other drugs (some cheap, some expensive). Nothing happened. Then they mixed in injections, some that I did myself at home and some that I went to the doctor to have done (again, $250 each appointment and the shots were $40-$100 each). Nothing happened.

I dealt with the following side effects: blurred vision (which was especially worrisome because I spent two hours a day in my car commuting to work), hot flashes (like, whoa), breakouts, weight gain, headaches, night sweats, swollen face (not every day, just occasionally, but it was so bad some days that I had to work from home), and CRAZY (Peter called my pills “the crazy pills”). It was not fun. Actually, it was downright miserable.

Finally after about a year of pumping my body full of drugs and spending far too much time (and money!) at the fertility clinic, they finally found the right combination of drugs/injections and I ovulated! I didn’t get pregnant, but I ovulated! Finally, some progress. The next month we did the same thing, I ovulated, and we did our first IUI (which I think was about $300 for the procedure??).

I got pregnant! I had an early miscarriage (at my mother-in-law’s house on Christmas, not fun), but I had gotten pregnant! Progress! We tried five more IUIs over the next year and I never got pregnant again. The next step was IVF, and for a variety of reasons we weren’t ready to do that so we stopped treatment.

Fertility is a terrible thing. It’s obviously not the worst thing that can happen, but it can be pretty awful. It took me about three and a half years to truly make peace with my infertility. Eventually it just seemed ok. This sounds a little dramatic, but I think that letting it go sort of changed my life. Not being a mom turned into one of life’s disappointments and was no longer a devastating tragedy that defined me (dramatic much??).

Then I got Henry! Yay! I’m so lucky.

Posted in Baby | Tagged | 5 Comments

Five thoughts

  1. What will happen to Fashion Police now that Joan is gone??? They can’t replace her with a funny person, because that would just be embarrassing for the replacement since they could never compare. But it has to be funny!
  2. My brother came to visit! Both of my brothers are so sweet with Henry. It’s heartwarming.
  3. Have you seen the commercial about Al and Al’s Budget? That is how I feel about my budget. Major buzzkill.
  4. I’ve considered asking my landlord if I can paint a wall. Am I insane??? Peter totally shut me down and thinks it’s a terrible idea. I’ve never painted a wall before, or even considered painting a wall. It seems hard, but everyone does it, so it can’t be that bad??
  5. I’m blogging because I’m avoiding the primary bulletin board. Seriously, it’s last minute now. Gotta do it.
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Five thoughts

  1. The phrase “I’m not going to lie…” is overused.
  2. I got new bookshelves for my birthday. We don’t even have half enough books to fill them. All the books we have are stupid I don’t think either of us have really read any of them. Who has books anymore???
  3. I don’t like animals at all. Like, at all. But I’ve been thinking lately I want to get Henry a puppy. Wouldn’t he be adorable with a little puppy? If he ends up being only child, I’m definitely getting him one.
  4. On my birthday Henry woke up crying in the middle of the night. I love when he does that and it rarely happens. Best birthday present!
  5. It’s a new month, which means I have to do a new bulletin board for the primary room at church. Boo. That is why I am blogging. I’m avoiding the bulletin board.
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Twelve TV thoughts

  1. Jersey Belle: Loved this show the first few episodes, just like it now. Jaime seemed so cool and normal until the adoption thing happened. Not telling her husband made her seem like she was trying to create drama in the show to secure a second season. It was better when she was normal.
  2. Bachelor: Can’t wait to see Chris be the new Bachelor this year. I really liked him, but he might be sort of bland for reality tv.
  3. Mistresses: I thought I was going to quit this show, but I powered through. I like it again! Nothing great, but entertaining enough.
  4. Nathan For You: Love it and hate it. It’s so awkward to watch but it makes me laugh out loud.
  5. RHOOC: Heather is my least favorite, and I hate her bangs. Why is Lizzie a housewife? She doesn’t really fit the mold. Shannon needs to sleep more. Tamra is terrible.
  6. Dallas: Over it.
  7. Extreme Guide to Parenting: It hasn’t seemed very extreme yet, except for the little girl who had to lose three pounds for her jiu jitsu competition.
  8. Last Week Tonight: We like.
  9. Teen Mom 2: If I was Chelsea I would do everything I could to keep Aubrey away from Adam and his entire family. I have no clue why she doesn’t fight for that. I hate that Jenelle’s boyfriend is so awful to Jenelle’s mom. It’s weird that he feels ok about screaming at her. Don’t get it.
  10. The Singles Project: Zzzzzz.
  11. Bachelor in Paradise: LOVE. Obvi. Michelle Money is my favorite. Her Utah accent is off the charts and makes me laugh out loud.
  12. Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills: Over it.
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Four thoughts

  1. Remember when I said we had to move? We don’t! We looked at 20+ places, and during one of the viewings we met a realtor who was very interested to hear where we currently lived and our situation. He had some investor clients who own a few other units in our complex and who were looking to buy more. Two days later they came over to check out our place and then made an offer a few weeks later. So we get to stay but our landlord changed. Yay! We were beyond excited.
  2. I totally support #dousaflavor. I’ve only tried the Bacon Mac & Cheese flavor so far, but I don’t love it. It actually tastes like a regular cheddar potato chip.
  3. I can’t stand the ice bucket challenge. I’m all for charity and raising awareness, but dumping buckets of ice on your head??? Stupid.
  4. It’s time to start planning Henry’s birthday party! I wish we had a yard.
Posted in My Opinions | 2 Comments

Oatmeal Cream Cookies

IMG_8743_2These Oatmeal Cream Cookies* might be one of the best cookies I’ve ever made. They were seriously so, so good. My mom thought they were too sweet, and Peter thought they were fine, but not amazing (he’s not a huge oatmeal fan). But they were amazing!

This recipe is from Carlsbad Cravings. The first time I make a new recipe I like to follow it exactly and then adjust to my own taste after that. This recipe needs no tweaking. It’s perfect. I think it’s the cloves that make them so special.

1 1/4 cups unsalted butter (2.5 sticks), softened to room temperature
1 cup dark brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 tablespoon dark molasses
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
3 cups uncooked quick-cooking oats (NOT whole-rolled oats)**

Cream Filling:
3/4 cup (1.5 sticks) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
3 cups powdered sugar
3 tablespoons heavy cream
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
pinch of salt, as needed
Splash of lemon juice (to cut the sweetness, if necessary)

Cream the butter and sugars together at medium speed until light and creamy. Add egg, vanilla, and molasses, scraping down the sides as needed. Set aside.

In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and cloves. Whisk it all around. Add the quick oats and combine.

With the mixer running on low, slowly add the dry ingredients to wet ingredients. The dough will be quite thick and you may have to mix it all by hand after a few seconds in the mixer.

Preheat oven to 375F degrees. Line a large cookie sheet with parchment paper or nonstick baking mat. Drop dough with a large cookie scoop, or make sure each ball of dough is 3 tablespoons in measurement. Cookies will spread in the oven, so drop each ball of dough 2 inches apart.

Bake for 10 minutes, until cookies are lightly golden around the edges. Allow cookies to cool on cookie sheet for 3 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

For the filling: With a stand or handheld mixer, beat butter for about 1 minute until creamy. Add the powdered sugar and mix on medium speed for 1-2 minutes. Pour in heavy cream and vanilla extract. Mix on high for 3-4 minutes until fluffy. Taste and add a pinch or two of salt, as needed. If it’s too sweet for you, add a splash of lemon juice. Spread 1 1/2 tablespoons of cream filling on the bottom side of half of cookies; top with remaining cookies, right side up.

*I know these are traditionally called Oatmeal Cream Pies, but as you probably know I can’t use the word “pie” in any recipe that isn’t actually a pie (except for maybe Whoopie Pies).

** Old-fashioned whole rolled oats will not work in this recipe, but that’s usually what I always have on hand. You can make you own quick oats (like I did here) by measuring 3 cups of whole rolled oats and pulsing them in the food processor 4-5 times or until they resemble the consistency of quick oats.

Posted in Dessert, Recipes | 2 Comments